Hunger games....

I have no idea why I am writing this....I woke a few mornings ago with this memory sharp in my mind and was told by Spirit to put it here.  So...maybe this is touching someone who reads it..I'm not sure.  But here is the memory....

I was always hungry as a kid.  Mom never thought to buy snacks at the grocery store.  We ate meals..which weren't plentiful but there was no snacking in between.  Mom would come home from working her teller job and instead of cooking dinner she would lay on the couch and pretend to nap.  I don't think she ever slept but she did keep her eyes closed.  Dinner would finally be given to us around 9pm.  By then, we would not have eaten anything since lunch and for growing pre-teens that was a long time.  Most of the school lunches that were purchased were uneatable but eat them I did because I knew another meal would take many hours to come.

My younger sister and I would get so hungry that we would sneak into the kitchen (by way of the living room) and reach into the freezer and grab frozen french fries.  It was all that we could find that were reachable and wouldn't make too much noise to get because heaven forbid you wake Mom from her nap.  We would tip toe back into our shared bedroom where we had a large closet.  In the large closet we set up a little camp.  We had a lamp with scarves over it to make it dark and mysterious.  But with the french fries we would take the lampshade off and hold the frozen fries to the light bulb in hopes we could thaw them.  Of course, it didn't help but we tried anyway.  Eventually, we would just eat them frozen.  It was better than nothing.

All of my sisters and I have some kind of eating disorder.  One of my sisters is heavier than the rest of us.  She is a sugar addict.  She would sneak granulated sugar up the stairs to her room (that's all the sweet we had in the house) and one day Mom found the sugar on the stairs.  She demanded to know who had spilled the sugar full well knowing who had done it.  She punished all of us because my sister wouldn't come forward with the truth. I was so angry that I got spanked for something that I didn't do..but I didn't snitch.

The worst punishment in the world would have been not being allowed to go to Grandma's house on fridays.  Every friday my Grandmother would make a feast.  It was something we all looked forward to.  A safe house with wonderful food.  The only place really that we would get a full meal.  My father once threatened us with not going.  I remember being totally devastated....but he didn't follow through as he wanted to go as much as we did.

My father would get off work earlier than my Mom.  He would come home and fix himself a snack and eat it in front of us.  Knowing that we had not eaten for hours and he would laugh and laugh about it.  Waving it across our faces.  Then when Mom would come home he would encourage her to nap still knowing that we were hungry.

I remember being weighed by the school nurses in the 6th grade.  They were weighing everyone...checking their teeth..their spines for scoliosis, etc.  I remember the nurses looking at each other when it was my turn on the scale.... a look passing between them.  I was 12 and weighed 40 pounds.  I didn't know what that look meant between them but I knew it was something serious.  No one ever asked me if I was hungry.

I have to say that as I write this I realize what this must sound like to read it.  When you live it....it is not as shocking as if you read it or have never experienced something like this.  One thing I can say...my daughter never went hungry.  There was always snacks...food.  Even if I couldn't afford to eat...she ate.

So...I'm not sure why I've written this.  Maybe whoever reads this can let me know....did sharing it help you?  I hope so.....blessings.

Better late than never...

My apologies for taking some blog time off.  It's been a hectic time for me.  I am moving residences and the office will be moved a month later into my residence.  Many, many circles have been hosted and it's about them I will speak today.

I have mentioned before that I love doing them.  It's the favorite part of my job and I am always tickled by what Spirit has to say.  Here are some things that happened recently (changing names and details of course).

In a recent circle, one of the attendees, asked how her family felt about her brother.  Without knowing anything about her brother, I remained open to whatever would come my way from Spirit.  Her family began applauding and letting me know that he had recently made a huge shift of some kind.  That they were pleased with his progress and were excited by the changes he was implementing.  They showed me a cocoon with a butterfly emerging.  Excitement was in the air.  When I conveyed this to the sister...she started to cry.  Her brother had just "come out" that he was gay.  She was so happy to hear that those in Spirit supported his decision and were happy for him.  I was glad to hear this too.  They told me to tell her to tell him to "spread those wings and fly!"

Another attendee was upset that her father had said goodbye to another sibling and not to her.  She felt slighted and rightly so.  The father told me that she had been upset with him all this time (20 years) and he was sorry that he had put her through that.  I really don't think that anyone deliberately doesn't say goodbye to someone.  He had suffered for a full year with his illness and the pain was so bad sometimes that he couldn't think straight. I don't think he did it to hurt her and he was sorry that she had taken it in such a way.  I hope she was able to take his apology and move on from it.  She said she has.  He has been waiting all this time to let her know he was sorry.

Another young woman asked me how her sister felt about her husbands new marriage.  The woman in Spirit had only been gone two years and he was already remarried.  I get asked this a lot.  Some people are just not capable of being alone.  The sister said that she had a difficult time watching this marriage because of how the new stepmother was treating her children so she stayed out of the house.  She told me of a large tree in their new backyard and the sister corroborated that there was one.  She told her to tell her daughters that if they wanted to meet or talk to her she would be waiting for them there...at the large tree in the yard.  The woman said her husband had married in haste because of not wanting to be alone and felt he needed help in raising the children.  This happens quite often.  I don't think the Mother faulted him for it but she did say that she didn't think the marriage would last.

Many people come to circle in need of closure. I try to give that to them.  Also many people come just to see what the fuss is all about.  I understand that...but for those that do...please remain respectful of me and what I do.  I take my work very seriously and keep my prices low so everyone can afford to come hear from their loved ones.  If you come with a bad attitude you will ruin the circle for everyone else.  You might just want to stay home if that is the case.  Lee Ann has been known to call those people "out" so to speak.  LOL.....much love.  Terri

Look Ma! Teeth!

Last weekend in circle, I was chatting with the Mother of an attendee. The Mother was in Spirit and as we were talking I saw that suddenly she was holding a chihuahua in her arms.  I conveyed to the attendee that her Mother was holding a chihuahua and she burst into tears.  She had loved that dog and her Mom was there to say that she was keeping him safe.  Then I looked at the dog and it was baring it's teeth.  I told her about it and she started laughing.  She had had to have all the dogs teeth pulled when it was alive.  We all ascertained that the pup was showing her that he had all his teeth back!  So funny!

In the same circle, the hostess said she had been having some crazy things happening in the house over the few days before circle.  I asked her what she meant...hearing someone come in the front door, footsteps, shadows...the like.  During circle we had several of the women see out of the corner of their eyes people in Spirit standing on the stairs leading to the living room where the circle was held.  This happens a lot.  Spirit starts showing up days before...it's like a party atmosphere!

In Gettysburg's circle this weekend, a woman from Rhode Island came down to attend.  She is an editor and had been editing a book for a woman who is writing about her experiences with Spirit.  One of those experiences was attending one of my circles.  That's so exciting and I am honored and touched by the add.  I am hoping to get a signed copy of the book when it is published.  And of course, when I do, I will share the name and author with you.

Thank you for all the prayers for my family...several of them have been going through their own experiences with breast cancer.  They are dealing with it the best that they can...please continue to send your healing thoughts and prayers our way.  It is appreciated....

Rewarding Moment and other things

I wanted to share with you a moment in last weekends circle that touched not only the recipient of the message but also me.  I have asked permission of the couple that the messages were given to but I will change their first names.  Craig and his wife Sue were first timers to one of my circles.  It is not often that I get men to come to my circles.  I'm not sure why that is but probably because men are not interested in sharing their feelings openly with people that they don't know and at times the circle can get quite emotional.

It was Craig's turn and I saw that his Father had stepped in.  He immediately started to cry and so did Sue.  I saw that his Dad had died in a tragic accident and felt the throwing of my body.  Craig validated that his Dad had died in a car accident.  I heard the number 12 and asked if it had been twelve years ago and Craig said "no, but it happened when I was 12 years old".  Then I felt the love of his Father coming through in  large waves and it was encompassing me and the room with it's bigness.  Even now I feel what it felt like while typing this and I am moved emotionally.  I told Craig that his Father was saying "I love you...I love you...I love you...I love you..".  Through his tears Craig asked me how many times I had said that.  I told him 4.  He explained that the day his Father died he stood at the front door and called out to each one of them his love.  He called out four times and then Craig's Mom told him to get going that he was going to be late.  He says they still talk about it now...the fact that he made a point to say "I love you" to each one of them.  There wasn't a dry eye in the circle..including mine.  His Father continued to tell him how proud of him he was and how he thought he was such a good Father himself to his children and he wished he could be there with him to tell him so.  

The next day I received a heart felt email from his wife....here is what she said...

Terri,

I just wanted to say a huge Thank You from the bottom of my heart for the session last night.  It did more than I could have ever hoped for for my husband and that was the main reason for coming. I came home and made sense of alot of what you told me but all I could focus on all day was Craig's father.  I am so happy that he came through for us.  Last night provided a huge amount of healing and peace for him which I have been searching for some way, some how for him.  We both are forever grateful.  It was an amazing experience!

This is exactly why I do what I do....

On another note, I recently did an investigation of my office and got a really good, loud evp (electronic voice phenomenon).  I wish I could insert here in the body of this blog but I am not tech savvy and would most probably screw it up.  But I will tell you that it was a man with a deep voice and he gave me his name clearly and loudly.  It was Dr. John D. Hubler.  I did some research and there was a Dr. John D. Hubler who lived in Pennyslvania in the 1800's.  Why he was there in Urbana, MD I can't tell you.  I looked his gravesite up on Findagrave.com and found it.  I contacted the woman who was the contact person for the family and the grave and told her what I had and would she like to hear it.  She probably thought I was crazy though and I have not heard from her.  It's been over a month since I emailed her.  Maybe she is just not interested but I found it fascinating to have such a great evp with a name and to actually find the person.  Oh well.....I will hold onto it if she ever contacts me.  

Mean People Suck and other tidbits

Mean People Suck...I've always liked that bumper sticker.  Of all the bumper stickers I think this holds true.  Someone dear to me has just experienced true meanism (is that a word?..lol).  It makes me wonder each time someone does something deliberately or even non-deliberately to someone else that ends up causing physical or emotional pain...why the heck do it?  I know that this person I hold dear has never hurt a fly....and it hurts me to see them going through such pain.  People say...well...consider the source.  Yes, we can do that.  But seriously...I don't want to spend the time and effort getting to know WHY they did it.  Bottom line is that they did it....on purpose...just to be mean.  Do they so dislike themselves that they get a kick out of it?  Does it make them feel better within themselves to do such things?  Or does it remove the pain for a moment?  But then doesn't it come back 10 fold?  It truly makes no sense to me.  It takes just as much energy to be kind as it does to be mean so why choose mean?

I used to work with two people who would get off on being mean.  They would find the latest gossip about someone and howl and cackle in their office.  I would shake my head....how do you find joy in someone else's pain?  Are you so unhappy that it makes you happy to find someone else worse off than you?  Boggles my mind.  Try being nice...it will change your life and your outlook.  But, I seriously think those who are mean don't get it.  They think they are wonderful people.....and they may be to those that they love.  Maybe so...but somehow I doubt it.

On another note I have had some very interesting and moving circles of late.  Each one surprises and touches me with the information that comes through.  One attendant was asked by Spirit if it was ok with them if they tried to mend the relationship between them.  The attendant said "I guess so" and so much emotion came through with the acceptance it was overwhelming.  Spirit kept saying "thank you...thank you"....and was so grateful.  Then the Spirits brother came through and told the attendant that by accepting the mending of the relationship she was not only mending the two of them but the whole of them.  Brought tears to everyone's eyes.  I am continually in awe of what happens in circle and I am grateful that there are those out there who come to my circles and keep me working...I love what I do.  Love to see that it opens eyes, brings awareness to something greater than themselves and connects them with those they have lost in death.

Last night I received word that another relative of mine is dealing with breast cancer.  My poor Aunt called to tell me and her voice was shaking.  "Why is this happening to us?"...I had no answer for her.  I wish I had.  A lot of things don't make sense to me.  Many...many things.  Please keep our family in your prayers....thank you...

Mom's Angel Visitation

I have heard over the years of the superstition that if an Angel comes to you and holds out it's arms and you go towards it...you will die.  But you mostly hear of this happening in dream state.  Recently, my Mom had such a visitation....

She was pulling out of her parking spot where she lives in a townhouse development.  Through the rear view mirror she saw a woman staring at her from the curb across the street.  She had long dark hair and was dressed in a long white dress and she was smiling with her arms held out as if to beckon.  My Mom said she was lit up with a white light around her.  They looked in each others eyes for a bit and Mom smiled back at her..all the while wondering why she looked so familiar.  Mom almost got out of the car to approach her and ask who she was but she thought better of it and drove off to perform her intended errands.  If the superstition is true...I am glad that Mom opted to drive off.

So, I have asked many peoples opinion on this.  Some people think that it was her Guardian Angel just stopping by to say "I'm here...I'm with you".  Others think it was an actual Spirit that maybe Mom knew and was stopping by to say hello.  Others think it's an omen of something.  I'm not sure what I believe about it...but I know it kept me tossing and turning the night she told me.  Who was she?  What did she want?

I remember someone a few years ago telling me the story that a friend of theirs kept having an Angel appear at the bottom of her bed for a few days straight.  Beckoning her to come with her.  The woman never woke up shortly after telling her friend.  She died in her sleep.  Did she follow that time?  Was it her time to go?

I believe that we are given moments to choose from for when we check out.  If Angels intervene...which they are known to do then it's just not time for you...or you opted not to go.  But then there are times when Angels don't intervene.  In those times I believe it's the time that you've decided to leave this earth.

My Mom is turning 80 next year.  We are deciding to do something special for her.  I wanted to know if there was anywhere she wanted to go that she'd never been.  A cruise?  Something like that?  Mom said that
there was only once place she wanted to go and she pointed upward.  Not what I wanted to hear.  Sigh......

Circle Tidbits..and other happenings...

Some interesting things have been happening in circle and in my life lately that I thought I would share with you.

Last Saturday I was giving one in Gettysburg.  It's always a fun circle but this one was especially active.  During circle we had knocks, raps, whispering and talking outside of our room (we were the only ones there) and we also heard music for a short moment and a shadow cross the room.  The circle had a few newbies in it who I thought would go running out the door but they would have to leave by the hallway which was being active as well.  I try to tell people that it is just their loved ones who are stopping in and nothing to fear but sometimes it can be unnerving for people.

I have been giving clients the four sentences of Ho'oponopono and their lives are changing for the better.  It's so exciting to see things turn around for people.  I had a client come in who had lost his job and was struggling with many other personal things.  I gave him the sentences and within 3 weeks his life turned totally around and he is now making more money than he's ever made in his life.  I'm so happy for him.  He says he will continue to do the sentences.  I am hoping in July, to have enough money to attend Dr. Hew Len's training here in DC.  I feel called to it so the money should show up right?  lol

By the way...here are the four sentences again...say them continuously when you have free brain time

I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

I have been having dead birds appear outside my back door.  Now me being the omen kind of gal I took it badly.  The fact that they were laying at the neighbors door didn't deter me from my negative thinking on the appearances.  But as I try to be positive about most things I relented that there is probably just a coincidence that they are showing up.  Then a day later, I was coming in from walking the dog and this sweet, small wren landed at our feet...alive and well.  He was chirping at me and didn't seem to be afraid of either me or my pooch.  It was nice to see one living and well and it seemed to be saying....see?  it's not about you.  I have to say that I am quite relieved...lol

We are looking for larger space for Awaken.  I'm excited about it.  Right now we have one room that serves us but we are expanding and starting to get more people interested in doing things with us.  If you live in our area...let  us know if you hear of a good deal.

Blessings to you all....isn't spring wonderful?